It is just SO important to tell people how we feel – not just bad things, but the good things. In fact, it’s even MORE important to point out the positives we notice in others than to critique the negatives.
Let me tell you a quick story of one of my greatest learning lessons as a teacher…
I was a fairly new special education teacher at the time and, the struggle was REAL – I could not get these kiddos to sit still after lunchtime! I went home one evening and created this entire behavior chart- thank you Pinterest- and was so excited to put it to the test. I was paying attention to the behaviors I did not want to see and working hard to bring awareness to help guide them. I will never forget when my dear friend and mentor, Mimi said… “ Claire, I can tell you’re working so hard but you’re doing it all wrong. Me “WHAT:)” She said the key is to catch people doing it right and make sure to give them recognition!
It is by highlighting the good that you boost people up – this fosters a positive sense of self and encourages more positive behaviors.
This makes total sense when you think about it. Humans are wired for connection and reward. When rewards are received, it physically feels good. Of course our brains are going to want to seek more of that same reward to keep that feeling going! We all want to be seen and when we are – it’s a game changer!
Here is a list of 25 compliments that can foster positive emotions. You can use these whenever appropriate with a friend, a partner, or even a stranger!
- I admire your honesty.
- I feel heard when I am with you.
- I love that you listen when people talk.
- You are so good at maintaining boundaries.
- I appreciate that you support my decisions.
- You are the highlight of my day.
- Your positive attitude is inspiring.
- I like being around you – it just feels good.
- Thank you for respecting my boundaries.
- Your sense of humor is fantastic.
- Thanks for being open with me.
- You’re a joy to be around.
- I appreciate our friendship.
- Thank you for just being you.
- I feel comfortable and safe around you.
- I’m grateful that you accept me as I am.
- Thanks for respecting my emotions.
- Thank you for encouraging me to express myself.
- I appreciate that I can speak my truth without feeling judged.
- I appreciate how you take ownership of your part in our relationship.
- You have a knack for making others feel important.
- I love how you’re always able to see my perspective.
- I know that you’ll always have my back.
- Thank you for being the best part of my day.
- I feel like Buddy the Elf every time I get to see you!
I challenge you to try using just 2 of these (or similar) compliments each week for the next month and see how it goes. If you can use even more than 2 per week and keep it up forever, then you win!
I am confident that those around you will genuinely appreciate your kind words and may begin to form stronger bonds with you – and hopefully with others too – as their own self-worth begins to grow and glow as a result of this positive reinforcement.
Sending you light and love,
~ You are worthy. You are capable. You are enough! ~