Every day is the same. Just another cycle around the sun.
You wake up and the first thing you do is look at your phone. You barely even notice there is someone else is in the room with you anymore – and if you do acknowledge each other, the main topic of conversation is to review the list of things and people you have to attend to.
After the priorities of the day are done, you’re both exhausted. You have no energy for each other. When was the last time you two laughed together… I mean, really laughed?
To say there is a disconnect is an understatement.
When your duties and paths no longer mesh, you become two completely divided beings simply existing in the same space – barely more than roommates, and some days at each other’s throats…
Are you not listening to me? I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. Why even bother anymore!?
Where have you been? What have you been doing? I can’t trust you at your word these days.
There’s nothing I can do that seems to be enough for you. I feel very unwanted.
Take a moment and write down to who and where your energy has gone this week – we challenge you.
There needs a shift in priorities!
Both of you entered this relationship with your own personal narratives and defenses. Both of you have continued to evolve with these same defenses – now the target is one another.
It’s time to pause and reassess. We need to listen to each other and do the work to reconnect. And this takes practice.
It is beyond critical in our adult lives to reflect back on our roots, analyze our triggers and responses, and begin to understand and address them head-on – all while giving ourselves a ton of empathy.
We need to learn to listen and give validation.
When you are choosing your significant other, it’s the biggest business decision you’ll ever make. The key ingredient to any lasting relationship is having two people who are willing to put their shame, pride, and ego to the side and be TRULY vulnerable with each other.
We have to be able to look at both sides to fully comprehend a situation. In order to do that, we have to bring down the walls. We have to learn how to see things from our partner’s perspective. And, we also have to learn to validate ourselves, our feelings, and where they come from.
It’s time to challenge the stories we’re telling ourselves and really start to connect emotionally again. Even if things are going somewhat fine, therapy is a place you can go to help strengthen and reinforce the bond you have as a couple.
Areas we focus on in couples counseling include:
- Reigniting the Flame
- Premarital Counseling
- Rebuilding Relationships
- Decision-Making & Roles
- Enforcing Clear Boundaries
- Communicating with Respect
- Speaking with Love Languages
- United Parenting/Co-Parenting
In our practice, we utilize The Gottman Method, EMDR, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Family Systems Work. We put a lot of focus into validation, identifying triggers, taking responsibility, and consistent routines including date nights!
Please know that wherever you’re at, it’s OK.
This stuff is hard – it’s not supposed to be easy! We throw our hands up to couples willing to come in and do the work. That is true strength.
To be honest, when most couples reflect at the end of their lives, it was not the moments that were going easy and smooth that were most meaningful, it was the times they wanted to give up, didn’t think they could keep going, and how they chose to rise together that mattered the most.
Let’s rebuild your relationship with a solid foundation. Call to set up a consultation at (480) 485-8824 today!