Welcome to part two of our two-part series on Why Chocolate Makes Us Feel Good + Other Food Feelings Facts. We talked in our previous article about how food makes us feel, and why it’s more than just fuel for our bodies. It’s cultural and personal, bringing with it feelings of joy, sentiment, and likewise guilt and shame for some. We discussed the science behind food and mental health, and how the gut-brain axis plays a key factor in the way our brains and bodies feel on the inside and out.
As promised, in this second part of the series, we want to dive even deeper into the importance of approaching our relationship with food through awareness and curiosity rather than judgment. We’re also going to examine how eating disorder statistics may be misleading, while disordered eating may be a more common struggle. Finally, we’ll lay out a few tried and true, evidenced-based therapeutic modalities that can offer support for those who are looking to make sustainable lifestyle changes when it comes to their relationship with food. Let’s dive in.
Awareness and Curiosity in Our Relationship with Food
Developing a healthy relationship with food involves shifting from self-judgment to self-awareness and curiosity. We all have that moment, probably every day when we want to reach for the handful of M&Ms. Maybe it’s potato chips or ice cream for you, but we’re sticking with the theme from the last article. There’s nothing wrong with these urges to reach for dopamine-boosting foods. It’s perfectly natural and actually science is what makes us want to do that. It’s how we behave towards ourselves in the moments that follow that matters. Sparing you a chemistry lesson you probably don’t need, we probably all understand to an extent that comfort foods are comforting because of the dopamine hit they give us. That’s the big picture. But what about you specifically? Why did you reach for the handful of M&Ms?
That’s what we mean when we talk about awareness and curiosity. When we judge our food choices, we may overlook the underlying emotions or triggers that influence our eating behaviors. But when we pause and notice—without judgment—we open the door to a deeper understanding of what we’re really trying to soothe or avoid in that moment.
False Reward System
This is where the idea of a false reward system comes in. These are the behaviors we’ve unconsciously rewarded ourselves for over time—even when the “reward” doesn’t serve us anymore. It’s that quiet inner dialogue that says, “You had a stressful day, so you’ve earned this handful of M&Ms,” or the opposite, “You messed up, so you don’t deserve to eat.”
These patterns can be deeply ingrained and were often built in times when we didn’t have the tools or support, we do now. False reward systems, or perhaps false punishment systems, can look different for everyone, but they often share one thing in common: they promise comfort or control but ultimately leave us feeling disconnected or even worse. When we approach these behaviors with curiosity—asking, “What did I need just now? What was I trying to feel or avoid?”—we begin to loosen the grip they have on us.
Dr. Shawna Eischens, Scottsdale Naturopathic Doctor, emphasizes this as well, encouraging us to pause in the comfort food moment and gently check-in: What am I feeling right now? What else might I need besides food? In the “little treat” culture in which we live, when it seems like every day is more stressful than the last, this isn’t about moralizing our food choices, or even picking a nutritious snack over a sugary treat, but rather learning how to reconnect with ourselves in the moments we’re most likely to go on autopilot. That simple shift from judgment to curiosity can be one of the most compassionate—and powerful—things we do for ourselves.
The Misleading Nature of Eating Disorder Statistics
Once we’ve learned how to become curious and aware of our relationship with food, with less judgment, we may notice that our relationship isn’t quite as perfect as we may have thought. That handful of M&Ms may have better served me as a little walk outside, letting the sunshine fall on my face, or a few minutes cuddling with my fur baby. If you’ve discovered that you might have a disordered relationship with food, you’re far from alone. We mentioned in our previous article that at least 9% of people in the world are affected by some sort of diagnosable eating disorder. Although many experts, including Dr. E, agree that closer to 90% of people are affected by disordered eating.
What’s The Difference Between Disordered Eating and an Eating Disorder?
The 9% we mentioned is about 28.8 million Americans who are affected by a diagnosable eating disorder. However, that number may not capture the full spectrum of disordered eating behaviors. Research suggests that more than 1 in 5 children and adolescents exhibit disordered eating patterns, which may not meet the clinical criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis.
Disordered eating can refer to a range of irregular eating behaviors that may not meet the DSM-5-TR criteria for a clinical eating disorder but are still physically and emotionally harmful. These can include things like:
- Chronic dieting or calorie counting
- Skipping meals regularly
- Feeling guilt or shame after eating
- Using food to cope with emotions
- Using food as a false reward system
While these behaviors are common and often normalized in our culture, they can still impact physical health, mental well-being, and overall quality of life. Take our friend for example, we’ll call him Bryan. Bryan is a successful guy. He’s healthy, in good shape. He has a regular workout routine several mornings of the week that he doesn’t like to miss. He’s also very busy – work, life, kids, the world. He recently shared with us that in the past month, he’s ordered a pizza every single night, for a month straight! He didn’t even realize he was doing this until he noticed he was feeling more down and depressed than usual and started to wonder why. He had been so busy with everything that he just went on autopilot. By the time he got home from a long day – up at 5 AM to go to the gym, work all day, run errands, take care of the kids, keep up with friends and family, everything going on in the world – it was all he could do to stumble in the house and order that pizza at the end of the day. He was exhausted! Bryan, a healthy successful guy who went to the gym almost every day was suffering from disordered eating.
An eating disorder, on the other hand, is a serious mental health condition that meets specific diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5-TR. Examples include Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, and Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Eating disorders often involve extreme thoughts, emotions, and behaviors related to food, eating, body image, and weight—and can lead to severe medical complications.
The Main Difference – All eating disorders involve disordered eating, but not all disordered eating behaviors qualify as an eating disorder. Even without a diagnosis, disordered eating can be a signal that a person’s relationship with food may need attention and care. This is why awareness and curiosity, without judgment, are so important. Just like with our friend Bryan, stepping back and taking stock of your daily choices and how they’re making your body and mind feel is sometimes all it takes.
Therapeutic Modalities Supporting Lifestyle Changes
Sometimes we need a little more help. That’s OK, too. Sometimes, we’re just too close to the situation, a.k.a. ourselves, to be able to see through the weeds. This is the beauty of therapy. Beyond just hearing another perspective, therapy offers different modalities for different people. What works for one person may not work for another and vice versa. Your therapist is trained to meet you where you’re at and find the approach that can help you develop healthier relationships with food, as well as walk you through implementing sustainable lifestyle changes when you’re ready. Some of those modalities are:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and modifying negative thought patterns and behaviors related to eating. CBT is one of the most common modalities used in talk therapy. It can be used to treat addiction, depression, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, OCD, and the list goes on. It’s not just used for treating mental health conditions. It’s great for anyone looking to make changes in their life.
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) is also very affective with not only processing underlying emotions that could be leading us to those urges to reach for the handful of M&Ms, but it also offers protocols to support people who feel that they need the false reward systems.
- Family Therapy: Involves family members in the treatment process, particularly effective for adolescents with eating disorders. This can involve a few different modalities, like Family-Based Therapy (FBT), also known as Maudsley Method, or Family System Therapy (FST). The main emphasis is based on the concept that each member of the family has a role to play.
- Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): Focuses on the connection between a person’s relationships and their emotional well-being. It’s a well-researched, goal-oriented modality that’s grounded in attachment and communication theories. It’s associated with specific tasks and strategies that are linked to specific interpersonal problem areas and is great for helping to establish boundaries.
These are just a few of the therapeutic modalities that are available to provide support for anyone looking to improve their relationship with food and overall well-being.
We’re Here for You
Remember that when it comes to your relationship with food, just like with anything else in life, balance is key. We’ll close this series by repeating what we said in part one, food is personal. Food has meaning, emotions, and even healing properties for each of us. Life is hard. Sometimes we truly do deserve “a little treat”. It’s all about keeping that awareness and curiosity, without judgment.
As always, we’re here for you. We want to mention again that we’re not nutritionists or dieticians, but we do understand how deeply one’s relationship with food can impact one’s mental health. If you need support, reach out today to speak with one of our therapists, either in our Scottsdale office or online in Arizona.
